4 ways to prevent a crisis in your marriage
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This morning, I sat down with a married couple in crisis. The exhaustion and frustration was evident in their weary faces before either of them spoke a word to tell me about their situation.They, like many couples, are both juggling the demands of stressful careers, parenting, and several major life transitions all happening at once. In their frenetic pace of life, their marriage had been on “autopilot.” Their time together was scarce, and even when they were together, they were usually too exhausted and distracted to engage in meaningful conversation.
When the wife discovered the longterm pattern of deceit and the escalating level of intimate dialogue between them, she was furious. Her first response was to pursue divorce. She didn’t think she could continue loving a man who had broken her trust with such a deliberate pattern of deception.
They now sat in my office, brokenhearted, regretful, confused, exhausted and looking for answers. They wanted to keep their family intact, but they didn’t know where or how to begin.
I shared with them How to rebuild trust and the keys to forgiving, healing and moving forward. I also shared with them The truth about divorce. In addition, I shared with them with the option of doing a weekend retreat for married couples in crisis. They agreed to work towards healing, and I believe these tools will help them move forward.
Below are four keys to prevent a crisis in your marriage:
1. Don’t wait for a crisis to happen before you make your marriage a priority.
The crisis was the “wake up call” this couple needed to made some drastic realignment of priorities, but the “crisis” could have probably been prevented had they been proactive about prioritizing the marriage in the first place. Time is the “currency” of relationships, so if you want to start investing into your marriage, start by investing more time.
When we feel like our sexual needs aren’t being met, there’s a temptation to “outsource” that need through pornography or romance novels or even through an actual affair. When we feel that the emotional support needs aren’t being met, we’re tempted to “outsource” those through a secret “friendship” with someone else of the opposite sex. Anytime we’re getting a marriage need met outside of our marriage, we’re being unfaithful and sabotaging the marriage.
3. Watch out for the digital distractions.
In our age of constant connectivity, it’s possible to be in the same room with your spouse, but still in different worlds. Use technology to keep you connected, not distracted. Use these 5 ways to improve your marriage using your smart phone and be very careful of the ways your smart phone might be hurting your marriage.
In marriage, secrets are as dangerous as lies. Communication does for a marriage what breathing does for lungs. To help you increase the level of communication in your marriage, ask each other these 7 questions.
For additional tools to help you build a rock-solid marriage, check out my bestselling book, “iVow: Secrets to a Stronger Marriage” which is now also available on iTunes as an ebook download on iPhones, iPads and all Apple devices.
You can also connect with me on twitter and check out check out my wife, Ashley’s blog here.
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com
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