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21 Ways to Create and Maintain a Positive Attitude

by MARELISA

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Your attitude determines how you live your life.

Even if –at any given time–your choices of action are limited, your choices regarding your attitude are not. Always choose a positive attitude.

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A positive attitude makes you happier and more resilient, it improves your relationships, and it even increases your chances of success in any endeavor. In addition, having a positive attitude makes you more creative and it can help you to make better decisions. To top it all off, there are studies that show that people with a positive attitude live longer than their sourpuss counterparts. Below you’ll discover 21 ways to create and maintain a positive attitude.

1. Have a Morning Routine. How you start your morning sets the tone for the rest of the day. Make sure that you have an attitude-boosting morning routine that puts you in a good mood so that you can start the day off right.

2. Carry An Attitude of Happiness With You. Instead of waiting for external things to make you happy, be happy and then watch how that influences the things that go on around you. That is, instead of telling yourself that first something good has to happen, and then you’ll be happy, be happy first. Happiness is an attitude, not a situation.

3. Relish Small Pleasures. Big pleasures—graduation, getting married, being promoted, having your book published—come too infrequently. Life is made up of tiny victories and simple pleasures. With the right mental attitude, watching the sunset, eating an ice cream cone, and walking barefoot on the grass are all you need to be filled with joy.

4. Smile. Smiling will give you an instantaneous attitude boost. Try smiling for a minute while you think of a happy memory or the last thing that made you smile. Smiling releases endorphins and serotonin, also known as the feel good hormones. It’s a lot easier to adopt a positive attitude when the chemicals being released by your body are conducive to well-being.

5. Upload Positivity to Your Brain. Read books with a positive message, listen to music with uplifting lyrics, and watch movies in which the protagonist’s optimism helps him/her to overcome obstacles and win, despite the odds. Change your attitude for the better by uploading as much positivity into your brain as you possibly can.

6. Take Responsibility. At any moment your attitude can be that of a victim or of a creator. The first step you need to take to shift from victim-mode to creator-mode is to take responsibility. Here’s the attitude of a creator:

• I create my life.
• I am responsible for me.
• I’m in charge of my destiny.

7. Have a Zen Attitude. Think of life not as something that’s happening to you, but as something that’s happening for you. Look at any challenging situation, person, or event as a teacher that’s been brought into your life to teach you something.

The next time you find yourself thinking, “Why is this happening to me?” choose to have a Zen attitude, instead. Ask yourself, “What am I supposed to learn or gain from this”? or “How will this help me grow and become a better, more enlightened being?”

8. Be Proactive. A reactive person allows others and external events to determine how they will feel. A proactive person decides how they will feel regardless of what may be going on around them. Be proactive by choosing your attitude and maintaining it throughout the day, regardless of what the day may bring.

9. Change Your Thoughts. Positive thoughts lead to a positive attitude, while negative thoughts lead to a negative attitude. Changing your attitude is as easy as hitting the “pause” button on what you’re thinking and choosing to think different thoughts.

10. Have a Purpose. Having a purpose in life gives you a fixed point in the horizon to focus on, so that you can remain steady amid life’s vicissitudes and challenges. Bringing meaning and purpose into your life—knowing why you are here—will do wonders for your attitude.

11. Focus On the Good. In order to have a positive attitude, focus on the good. Focus on the good in yourself, the good in your life, and the good in others.

12. Stop Expecting Life to Be Easy. The truth is, life gets tough at times. For all of us. It can even be painful. But you’re brave and resourceful, and you can take it. Know that sometimes things won’t be easy, and adopt the attitude that you have what it takes to deal with anything that life throws at you.

13. Keep Up Your Enthusiasm. Enthusiastic people have a great attitude toward life. Have a list of ways to lift your enthusiasm ready for those times when you feel your zest for life draining away. Being enthusiastic will help you maintain the attitude that life is good and that you’re lucky to be alive.

14. Give Up On Having An Attitude of Entitlement. Think of the parable “Who Moved My Cheese?” by Spencer Johnson. Two little mice and two miniature people are put in a maze. Here’s what happens:

18 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong

by MARELISA

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It takes more than love for your relationship to work.

Although love is the foundation of any happy romantic relationship, love is not enough. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work on it. Below you’ll find 18 ways to keep your relationship strong.

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1. Practice acceptance and appreciation. In his book, “How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving”, David Richo explains that two of the keys to mindful loving are acceptance and appreciation. Here’s a quote from Richo that expresses this idea: “In a true you-and-I relationship, we are present mindfully, non-intrusively, the way we are present with things in nature. We do not tell a birch tree it should be more like an elm. We face it with no agenda, only appreciation . . .”

2. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs. Just as you can’t expect to be happy all the time, you shouldn’t expect your relationship to be at a continuous high.  When you make a long-term commitment to someone you have to be willing to ride the highs, as well as the lows, together.

3. Use the word “we”.  Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., explains that researcher Robert Levenson and his colleagues at the University of California, Berkeley, found that couples who use the word “we” when talking are happier, calmer, and in general are more satisfied with their relationships than couples whose communication is more populated by the pronouns “you”, “me” and “I”.

Dr. Chansky explains that the word “we” is a game changer. It sets off a program of connectedness in the brain so that instead of being in a “you vs. me” mindset, we’re in a collaborative mindset. This collaborative mindset makes us more loving and generous.

4. Follow the three-day gratitude plan. Rita Watson–an Associate Fellow at Yale’s Ezra Stiles College—explains that having an attitude of gratitude will revitalize your love life. Watson indicates that a study involving 77 married heterosexual and monogamous couples found that with expressed gratitude “participants reported that they felt more loving.” She goes on as follows:

“They also reported feeling more peaceful, amused, and proud. They perceived their partner as being more understanding, validating, caring, and generally more responsive. They were more likely to have reported spontaneously thanking their partner for something they’d appreciated on any given day. And they were more satisfied with the quality of their relationship overall.”

In order to get started with bringing more gratitude into your relationship she recommends the following three-day gratitude plan:

• Day 1: Find three qualities that you love about your partner and focus on those three qualities for the entire day.
• Day 2: Identify three things that irritate you about your partner. Now forgive them for these things.
• Day 3: For the entire day speak only kind words to your significant other.

Think of the three day plan as a cleansing which allows you to clear out feelings that keep your relationship from thriving.

5. Keep the 3:1 ratio. Over the course of a day we have a variety of positive and negative experiences. This is also true when it comes to our relationship with our significant other. Most people think that as long as the positive experiences outweigh the negative, everything is fine. However, this isn’t so. It’s the ratio of positive to negative that matters.

Research has shown that the magical ratio for a flourishing relationship is at or above 3:1. That is, you need to have three times more positive experiences with your partner than negative experiences in order to have a healthy relationship.

6. Keep the novelty alive. One of the positive aspects of being in a relationship with someone for a long time is that you really get to know each other. The negative side of this is that the novelty wears off, and humans love novelty.

However, there’s a way to keep the novelty alive: constantly try new activities together. This creates the excitement and the uncertainty that comes from the unknown, even if you’re with someone whom you know as well as the back of your hand.

7. Keep the playfulness alive. We all love to play, regardless of our age. Do the following: have fun together; do something ridiculous together; and just let go. In addition, the next time that your partner says something that bothers you, try responding with a joke instead of getting defensive.

8. Give your partner space. The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer used porcupines to explain a dilemma which often exists in human relationships. Two porcupines trying to keep warm will move closer to one another. However, if they get too close they prick each other with their spines.

The same thing happens in human relationships: we want closeness, but we also want space. The key is to find that sweet spot at which we feel the warmth that comes from being in a relationship, while at the same time allowing each partner to have enough space so that neither one feels like they’re being pricked by the other’s spines (feelings of lost individuality, feeling crowded, and so on).

Happy couples: How to avoid money arguments

If you've ever bickered with your spouse or partner over money, you’re not alone. Previous studies have shown that financial concerns are among the most common sources of disagreement for couples. And according to the 2014 APA Stress in America survey1, almost a third of adults with partners (31 percent) reported that money is a major source of conflict in their relationship.

Other recent research backs those survey findings. Compared to other touchy topics, couples’ arguments about money tend to be more intense, more problematic and more likely to remain unresolved.2

But money doesn't have to be a wedge in your relationship. With practice, you and your partner can learn to talk about finances in a healthier, more satisfying way.

Differing beliefs

The old idea that opposites attract may have some basis in reality. We are often drawn to a partner whose personality and style complements our own. But differing beliefs about money can be a recipe for conflict.

We develop beliefs about money long before we comingle our finances with a romantic partner. Research shows we inherit attitudes, values and beliefs about money from our parents and other family members.3 We may not even be fully conscious of our beliefs about spending and saving.

Early on in a relationship, many couples discuss their views on marriage, children and where they want to work and live. Unfortunately, couples rarely sit down together to talk about their financial beliefs and goals.

But the good news: It’s never too late to have that conversation. Whether you’ve been in a relationship 10 weeks or 10 years, talking about your money history is a first step to getting on the same page about your finances. Some things to discuss:

• What did your parents teach you about money?
• What are your financial goals?
• What are your fears about money?

Having an understanding of your partner’s beliefs can help you avoid conflict and set the stage for healthy discussions about your joint finances.

Be a team

When it comes to financial responsibilities, couples don’t always work as a team. Only 33 percent of Stress in America survey respondents said both partners share an equal role in financial decision-making. Similarly, only 23 percent reported that management of household finances is shared equally.

Couples often divide duties, and financial duties are no exception. One partner might handle day-to-day household spending, while the other focuses on long-term savings and investing. But those roles are naturally at odds with one another. Such a division of labor is often a source of conflict, experts say.

To avoid the disharmony of conflicting money roles, some couples trade the jobs back and forth. One month you might handle household spending and your partner might focus on savings and investment. The next month, you can swap jobs.

Another good option is to share roles equally. Set up a regular day and time each month to sit down, pay the bills, discuss your expenses and review your savings plans. Try to schedule something fun for after the meeting; if you know you’ll be going to the movies or on a bike ride afterwards, your money date will feel less like a chore.

As you and your partner discuss your household finances, avoid using the word “budget.” Some people have negative associations with this word which may set up a feeling of deprivation. Instead, think in terms of developing a spending plan. Deciding together what goals you want to save for and what goods and services you want to spend your money on can make for a much more satisfying conversation.

If your financial discussions become heated, take a time out and revisit them later. When it comes to money, you and your spouse may not always see eye to eye. But with good communication and an understanding of each other’s beliefs and values, you can work together to realize your shared financial goals.

couples: How to keep your relationship healthy

Happy couples: How to keep your relationship healthy

Romantic relationships are important for our happiness and well-being. Yet with more than 40 percent of new marriages ending in divorce, it's clear that relationships aren't always easy.1 Fortunately, there are steps you can take to keep your romantic partnership in good working order.

Talking openly

Communication is a key piece of healthy relationships. Healthy couples make time to check in with one another on a regular basis. It's important to talk about more than just parenting and maintaining the household, however. Try to spend a few minutes each day discussing deeper or more personal subjects to stay connected to your partner over the long term.

That doesn't mean you should avoid bringing up difficult subjects. Keeping concerns or problems to yourself can breed resentment. When discussing tough topics, though, it pays to be kind. Researchers have found that communication style is more important than commitment levels, personality traits or stressful life events in predicting whether happily married couples will go on to divorce. In particular, negative communication patterns such as anger and contempt are linked to an increased likelihood of splitting up.2 

Disagreements are part of any partnership, but some fighting styles are particularly damaging. Couples that use destructive behavior during arguments — such as yelling, resorting to personal criticisms or withdrawing from the discussion — are more likely to break up than are couples that fight constructively. Examples of constructive strategies for resolving disagreements include attempting to find out exactly what your partner is feeling, listening to his or her point of view and trying to make him or her laugh.3

Keeping it interesting

Between kids, careers and outside commitments, it can be difficult to stay connected to your partner. Yet there are good reasons to make the effort. In one study, for example, researchers found couples that reported boredom during their seventh year of marriage were significantly less satisfied with their relationships nine years later.4 

To keep things interesting, some couples plan regular date nights. Even dates can get old, though, if you're always renting a movie or going to the same restaurant. Experts recommend breaking out of the routine and trying new things — whether that's going dancing, taking a class together or packing an afternoon picnic.

Intimacy is also a critical component of romantic relationships. Some busy couples find it helpful to schedule sex by putting it on the calendar. It may not be spontaneous to have it written in red ink, but setting aside time for an intimate encounter helps ensure that your physical and emotional needs are met. 

How To Build Positive Workplace Relationships

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Building workplace relationships is an important component of being successful in your career. This doesn’t mean you need to be completely extroverted in every situation, but it does mean you need to make an effort to get to know the people with whom you work and learn about what skills and abilities they bring to the table.

Related: 4 Tips For Becoming The Co-Worker Everyone Loves

Although you are at work to do a job, it will be a much more pleasant experience if you enjoy the company of the people on your team or in your department, so try to get off to a good start. The expression about only getting one chance to make a first impression is absolutely true, so make sure you put your best foot forward each and every time you have an opportunity to build new workplace relationships.

If you’re giving your best effort every day, your co-workers will begin to realize they can depend on you to do a good job. Also, as hard as it may be sometimes, try to have a good attitude at work. No one likes to work with someone who is constantly negative and complains about every little task.

How To Build Positive Workplace Relationships

Here are a few additional tips to encourage positive workplace relationships:

• Be friendly and encouraging to co-workers.