MARRIAGE TIPS:CONFLICT

CONFLICT

Motivation to make upDo you have trouble reconciling with your spouse after an argument? Before you retire for the night, try using a statement like this: “I’m so thankful I have you to disagree with! What would I do without you?”
Ally, not enemy
Your spouse probably doesn’t aim to make your life difficult. While behaviours and comments can be hurtful, shift your perspective of your spouse from “enemy” to “ally.” Even the most heated discussions are better worked through when you approach hurts and hopes together, instead of one against the other.

Dig a little deeper
Understanding how your spouse behaves when frustrated, angry or exhausted promotes marital intimacy and harmony. Sit down with your spouse to ask, “When you’re ____, how do you act?” Fill in the blank with an emotion. Be attentive to these clues so you can pinpoint what your spouse is feeling and respond supportively when emotions run high.
Stop, refocus and move forwardFacing a marriage crisis? Shift your focus away from anger, fear and despair and redirect it toward love, confidence and hope. Then, work with your spouse to determine how you can seek out help.

Understand each other's needs
Understand that your spouse's needs are often different from your own. Husbands, rather than trying to fix the problem your wife tells you about, take time to just listen. Wives, allow your husband to have time to himself; this helps him reignite his love for you.

Constructive reactionsIntroverts and extroverts react to and deal with circumstances differently. Talk about why you want something done a certain way, respect your differences and agree on how to reach a compromise.
Too hungry to think straight?Does being hungry make you or your spouse easily irritable? When at home or out and about, try stocking your pantry or carry-along bag with wholesome snacks like fruit, nuts or granola bars to help calm the hunger-cranks. You’ll be surprised how an apple can help deter those too-hungry-to-think-straight conflicts.

Open ears and open hearts Most of us don’t like being wrong, so we often shut off our ears and keep arguing without hearing our spouse’s point of view. Instead, try listening first to avoid jumping to conclusions and really consider what your mate is saying. It’ll take some humility and self-control, but doing so will help your spouse feel loved and understood if you take the time to really hear them out.
Discordant love trianglesDemanding children can be skilled at pitting one parent against another in subtle ways. Don’t play the blame game with your spouse. No one can win, and it only deflects energy away from the real issues. Make unity as a couple your priority, then dealing with the rest will be easier.

Start with the positive
When you wish to address an area of concern with your spouse, begin by affirming the positive aspects of your marriage. Then voice your concerns. This will begin the conversation with love and respect.
Pause, then talkWhen you get into an argument with your spouse, make a decision to pause the conversation. Give yourselves a minute or two to process your thoughts and then continue the discussion in a calm, respectful manner.



Motivation to make upDo you have trouble reconciling with your spouse after an argument? Before you retire for the night, try using a statement like this: “I’m so thankful I have you to disagree with! What would I do without you?”
Ally, not enemy
Your spouse probably doesn’t aim to make your life difficult. While behaviours and comments can be hurtful, shift your perspective of your spouse from “enemy” to “ally.” Even the most heated discussions are better worked through when you approach hurts and hopes together, instead of one against the other.

Dig a little deeper
Understanding how your spouse behaves when frustrated, angry or exhausted promotes marital intimacy and harmony. Sit down with your spouse to ask, “When you’re ____, how do you act?” Fill in the blank with an emotion. Be attentive to these clues so you can pinpoint what your spouse is feeling and respond supportively when emotions run high.
Stop, refocus and move forwardFacing a marriage crisis? Shift your focus away from anger, fear and despair and redirect it toward love, confidence and hope. Then, work with your spouse to determine how you can seek out help.

Understand each other's needs
Understand that your spouse's needs are often different from your own. Husbands, rather than trying to fix the problem your wife tells you about, take time to just listen. Wives, allow your husband to have time to himself; this helps him reignite his love for you.

Constructive reactionsIntroverts and extroverts react to and deal with circumstances differently. Talk about why you want something done a certain way, respect your differences and agree on how to reach a compromise.
Too hungry to think straight?Does being hungry make you or your spouse easily irritable? When at home or out and about, try stocking your pantry or carry-along bag with wholesome snacks like fruit, nuts or granola bars to help calm the hunger-cranks. You’ll be surprised how an apple can help deter those too-hungry-to-think-straight conflicts.

Open ears and open hearts Most of us don’t like being wrong, so we often shut off our ears and keep arguing without hearing our spouse’s point of view. Instead, try listening first to avoid jumping to conclusions and really consider what your mate is saying. It’ll take some humility and self-control, but doing so will help your spouse feel loved and understood if you take the time to really hear them out.

Discordant love trianglesDemanding children can be skilled at pitting one parent against another in subtle ways. Don’t play the blame game with your spouse. No one can win, and it only deflects energy away from the real issues. Make unity as a couple your priority, then dealing with the rest will be easier.

Start with the positive
When you wish to address an area of concern with your spouse, begin by affirming the positive aspects of your marriage. Then voice your concerns. This will begin the conversation with love and respect.
Pause, then talkWhen you get into an argument with your spouse, make a decision to pause the conversation. Give yourselves a minute or two to process your thoughts and then continue the discussion in a calm, respectful manner.