It’s not a secret that when it comes to attraction, men are more “visual” than women – guys are driven toward women who are more physically attractive, while for women a man’s personality and character generally play a more important role than his looks. This popular theory, however, tends to cloud a very important truth – when it comes to selecting a long-term romantic partner, the most attractive, confident and desirable men are also driven toward those women who possess exceptional personality.
Let’s face it. Attractive women are not that uncommon. Just go to any bar or a club in your area of residence, and you are likely to see a few girls who are “hotter” than last year’s Ms. Universe or any Hollywood actress. However, it is much harder to find a very attractive woman whose personality and character are as “hot” as her body and face. There are a few reasons for this. The power of choice inevitably corrupts a person to a certain extent. If you only had vanilla and chocolate ice cream to choose from when you are at the store, the choice would be easy, and you would likely appreciate either of the flavors. On the other hand, having 50 flavors of ice-cream to choose from confuses you and makes you wonder what you are missing out by choosing one as opposed to the other. Don’t take me wrong – having a choice is a wonderful thing and it’s one of the fundamental principles of freedom, but it also tends to adversely affect our ability to make rational choices and decisions.
The same applies to the strikingly attractive women – many of them, if not most, are corrupted by excess attention from men. They talk to too many guys, go on too many dates, get dumped way too often, and become way too disappointed, jaded, and bitter. Such a history with men creates a “stuck up” woman, who seems hostile and unapproachable. The excess attention from men also tends to keep these women out “having fun” way too much and away from developing their personality and identity.
The few very attractive women who are conscious of the consequences of being in the “scene” for way too long, and who protect themselves from becoming the victims of their own beauty, will win in the dating and relationship world. How so, you wonder? Excellent question!
The reality is that there comes a time in every desirable guy’s life when, after dating many women, he stops and falls head over heals for that one woman. But why? Is she the most attractive woman out of all the others he dated? Probably not. Chances are that her character and personality are the ones that make her stand out and make the guy think “Wow, she is a rare kind… I better not mess this one up, as I am not likely to meet a woman like her any time soon.”
Indeed, she must be special. She must be elegant,
feminine, and she probably naturally enjoys pleasing her partner. That woman truly makes her guy feel like a man. She didn’t betray many of the traditional family values that she was brought up to believe in and saw in her own parents’ relationship. She probably believes in gender roles, and she is proud of it. She actually wants the guy to take charge, and seeing a guy take the lead might even turn her on sexually.
Meeting a woman like this is particularly thrilling to a modern guy who lives in a Western civilization, and who is used to dealing with “business” women and other kinds of
extreme feminists who like to challenge his masculinity and assert their own and not always in a good way, but going out of their way to show that they can be just like men – those same women who make guys travel to the other side of the world to look for “real” women – women whose souls and hearts have not yet been corrupted by success and status, and the ones who gave rise to the very natural movement among Western men, which is referred to as “Asian fetish,” which we should understand instead of criticizing and mocking.
There is a natural core of femininity, gentleness, softness and sensuality in every healthy, heterosexual woman. Don’t suppress it; let it out and enjoy having it. Some people might try and take advantage of it, but the benefits of exuding femininity will surely outweigh any associated social risks. Besides, few things are more attractive and desirable to a man in woman than her femininity – sexually and in many other ways.
Every parent knows the nightly ritual: You read your child a bedtime story, say “lights out,” and then brace for the storm of “I do not want to go to bed!!!” Night after night, we 
People who are genuinely happy with their romantic choices spend more energy working on their own self-development than on appearing a certain way to attract love. Instead of focusing on playing the game to entice a partner, put your focus on these five principles and, over time, the right match for you will present itself:
1. Understand yourself, sexually and emotionally. If you have not done the work of understanding yourself emotionally and sexually, you will enter romantic relationships from an emotionally dependent place. You may have the unrealistic hope that someone else will know how to understand you and make you happy—even when you, yourself, may not know. Directly communicating to your partners about your emotions and your sexual side is important; hoping others will intuitively perceive who you are emotionally and what you need sexually is a fantasy. Make a conscious effort to become aware of your ongoing emotional reactions to the people and events in your life. Observe and label your emotional reactions. Reflect on your feelings and talk with people about how you feel or what you are noticing about yourself, without expecting them to put you back together again.
2. Believe what people show and say about themselves. It is common when attracted to someone to want to rationalize their poor behavior. If someone treats you with disrespect or chronically lets you down, take this as data about whom he or she is as a person. If you try to talk with someone and he or she dismisses you or rationalizes mistreatment of you, take this seriously; this may not be a suitable match. If a man says he is not looking for “anything serious” or he needs a lot of “space,” let him go. This person is not in the same place you are and may not want the same things you want. Believe what people communicate about themselves. If they are acting immaturely or disrespectfully, or saying things that hurt you, move on. It is not your job to show someone a better way; it is your job to work on growing as a person.
3. Avoid "sextimacy." As I describe in Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy (link is external), sextimacy is a cycle of working to achieve emotional intimacy through hastened sex. If you are hoping that a sexual relationship will eventually lead to a more emotionally intimate or committed relationship, cease and desist: Research shows relationships that start with sex before emotional intimacy is present typically do not become committed unions. You will spend your time hoping and working to get someone to change or "step up to the plate" when you could be putting your energy into growing as a person and finding someone who likes the person you have become.
4. Separate psychologically from your parents. This is no easy task and many think they have done so when, in reality, they have not. As an adult, if you continue to allow your parents to meet all of your emotional needs then you siphon off some of the energy that needs to go into your romantic attachments. As much as possible, little by little, work to be independent of your parents. This does not mean you can’t enjoy their company, spend time with them, and share what you wish with them about your life. It does mean: Work to become comfortable making your own decisions. Excessively asking for their opinion, reassurance, or guidance, or allowing them to control your life means you are not living for yourself. And if you allow your parents to continually do the heavy lifting for you, then you will not be a whole person when the right match presents itself. Entering into a romantic relationship believing that the person is going to take care of you in the way your parents have can turn a healthy match into a toxic one. You have to be in control of your own life, self-aware of your goals, needs and emotions.