Numb Legs During Pregnancy: Is It Normal?

 

Judy Dutton Health Check

November 19, 2014 at 7:00  

While pregnancy comes with a whole array of strange side effects, one of the strangest may occur when you're walking along, minding your own business and -- out of the blue -- Oh my, I can't feel my legs! Leg numbness may seem so disconcerting that it convinces you to head -- or rather, hobble -- to the nearest hospital. But experts say all this hubbub may be unnecessary.

Turns out it's completely normal.  According to Jenny Jaque, OB/GYN at Health Goes Female, as many as one-quarter of all moms-to-be experience numbness in their lower limbs, most often during the third trimester.
The reason -- in case you haven't guessed already -- is your growing belly, which can end up pressing on and pinching your sciatic nerve, which originates in your pelvis and runs down both legs. But just because room is tight in there doesn't mean you have to suffer.
"It is best to lie down for a few minutes when these symptoms occur, usually on your left side," says Gail O'Neill, a physical therapist of Shift Integrative Medicine. This should shift the weight in your abdomen in such a way that it will relieve pressure on the nerve, causing sensations in your legs to return -- and hopefully remain that way once you sit up (if not, try lying down again for a few minutes in a slightly different position to shift your innards around a bit more).
If the numbness becomes a continual nuisance, there are other things you can do. "Some women benefit from wearing a belly binder, which helps to lift the heavy uterus away from the sciatic nerve," says O'Neill.
More from The Stir: Do Maternity Belts Work?
While leg numbness is usually nothing to worry about, when in doubt consult your OB/GYN or midwife. "Women need to be concerned when leg numbness is only experienced in one leg and has other associated symptoms, such as calf tenderness and swelling in one leg out of proportion to the other," says Dr. Jaque. "This could indicate that a woman may have a blood clot in her calf."
If not treated, this could lead to more severe complications like a stroke. But it's rare. Typically, leg numbness is a temporary problem that will disappear once your baby is out.
Did you experience leg numbness or other puzzling symptoms during pregnancy, and if so how did you deal?

Holding It Together When You’re A Short-Tempered Parent

 

Harmony Hobbs May 10, 2016

I never realized that I have a temper until I became a mother.
Sure, people bothered me. I’d been in arguments and even a few physical altercations, but even then I never truly lost my shit. Then I had children, and my dormant crazy bitch came bubbling to the surface

 

 

It always catches me off-guard how quickly I go from zero to pissed off over seemingly minor infractions. It’s just that when I am in a state of perpetual exhaustion, small things are actually really big things. I don’t want to get mad at my child for splashing toothpaste water all over the bathroom mirror for the hundredth time after I reminded him repeatedly not to. I want to channel my inner Gandhi and remain calm. The problem is, I literally just finished cleaning up a mess in the other room, I am 12 hours into my day, and a toddler is clinging to my leg. I’m fresh out of calm. Did Gandhi ever have to potty train another human being? I would guess no, which explains his level of Zen.

Knowing that I’m always running on a short fuse means that I have to cut everyone around me some slack, myself included.

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When I am running late and I find my son washing his hands with a banana or discover that my daughter has stripped herself naked for the 38^th time today and is peeing on her baby dolls, or someone tracks oatmeal all over my freshly mopped floor and it’s too late for coffee, but still too early for wine…I lose it.
I own my crazy, but it’s ugly. Knowing that I’m always running on a short fuse means that I have to cut everyone around me some slack, myself included. Over time, I have developed some coping skills to help me keep my shit together when it feels like I’m about to explode.

 

 

 

Self-Awareness

This is an integral part of parenting when my patience is running low. I constantly have to check myself: Have I eaten? Do I need a Tylenol? A latte? Do I need to put my feet up for a few minutes?  If I am tired, hungry, or generally stressed, those factors have nothing to do with my children, and I should take responsibility for fixing them.

Seeing My People as Actual Human Beings

Acknowledging that my children have legitimate needs and concerns is essential. Sure, it may not make sense to me that my 4-year-old is melting down because I opened his dresser drawer, and he wanted to do it. But in his tiny brain, this really is a big deal. I have to remind myself to take a step back and remember that he’s not pitching a fit over the drawer just to be an asshole; he’s a person with original thoughts and ideas about how the world should work. It is my job to help him learn to operate in an appropriate fashion, and yelling, “Why can’t I open the drawer for you?!” like a raving lunatic will not help him learn those lessons. Duh, right? But still really hard to remember when you’re in the moment.

 

 

Taking Medication

In this stage of my life, I need to take medication in order to be a calm parent. I just do. And that is OK, because parenting is fucking hard and sometimes it’s better to be medicated than pissed off all the time. Just ask my family.

Taking Breaks Is Vital. Do You Hear Me? VITAL.

I still have pangs of guilt from time to time, because why can’t I just be the kind of mom who loves being with her children all day, every day, from now until they all leave the nest and I sob uncontrollably? But I’m simply not that person. This goes back to self-awareness; I know my limits, and I try not to exceed them. When my limits are met, I find a way to take a break. When I ignore the signs, my terrible temper comes roaring back.

Forgiving Myself and My Children

This is what keeps me from sinking into the depths of despair. When I screw up, I apologize. I use my mistakes as evidence of my own flawed humanity, and I hope that my children learn something from my honesty. I don’t claim to be a perfect person, but I do know that despite my imperfections I am a damn good mother.
It’s not impossible to be a good parent if you have a short fuse. Just try to keep your crazy under wraps until you can channel it properly.
Like directly into a bottle of wine.

 

Teens / The Motherhood Experience

Teens / The Motherhood Experience

 

Alexandra Rosas

 

Alexandra Rosas May 19, 2016

Indulgent.
Neglectful.
Authoritarian.
Those are three types of parenting I just read about. Just seeing the letters that spell them out sends chills up my spine. The names alone are enough to scare me. I don’t want to delve further into descriptors because I know I’ll identify with 8 out of the 10 characteristics posted.

 

Have you bought your children what they’ve asked for?
Do the Dr. Dre monster headphones they wanted for no reason count? BINGO! Put your red marker on the Indulgent square.
How about that time you didn’t make dinner for four five days straight?
BINGO again! You get to fill up the Neglectful row.
And then when you didn’t budge about getting them a smartphone even though every kid in his class had one? (That one time? Who are you kidding it’s still that one time)
Winner! Pile all your red chips in the center for Authoritarian.
Parenting is the most important thing in my life. It’s what I think about when I wake up and right before I pass out at night. Parenting absorbs me and replenishes me. I love being the mother of my children. It’s been my life for 20 years.
And I still don’t know what I’m doing. I’m as terrified at times as I am at ease at others. Even that time when a high school boyfriend convinced me that I could do a Civil War reenactment weekend doesn’t compare to how at a loss I am for what I’m doing as a parent.
I whisper to myself at night: Forgive yourself as you forgive them.
I’ve written on a note I keep in my purse: Mistakes are part of learning.
Taped to the mirror above my dresser is a yellow Post-It: You don’t just move on, you learn.
All these words I keep close to my side, to keep me going until the point I feel like I’m not groping in the dark anymore, hands stretched out searching. It seems every time I feel the terrain is familiar enough for me to step out without fear of tripping over something unseen, someone rearranges the furniture.

 

It’s like the secretive way that I was as a child, never feeling that I would be understood or accepted. That memory of feeling so lonely in a houseful of people keeps me second-guessing whether I’m giving my children what they need. There is a balance to them feeling in control, intact, independent, and me guiding, encouraging, instilling. I never felt I was able to have a say as a kid, and that made me give up. Coming out of that, it took me decades to find my own voice.
Now my three children turn to me, in their joy and in their anger and to question the 100% say I have in their lives. I’m at the receiving end of gratitude as well as the backlash that comes with looming so large in someone’s life. But they have always felt safest with me. When I would shower and they were infants, my husband would have to hold them up and to the side so they could peek in past the curtains to keep me in their sight. It was the only way to keep them from screaming their heads off. The force of their need for me, for mama, had me standing under the showerhead, water rushing over me, singing-weeping as much to them as to myself.
I now shower without Peeping Toms. I don’t even have to announce I’m going upstairs to do it. I used to wonder if those eternal days would ever end, when I wouldn’t have to stand in the center of a room and megaphone my hands over my mouth:
“Mommy’s going to go to the bathroom now. I’ll be right back.”
“Mommy’s going to go downstairs and get the laundry. I’ll be right back.”
“Mommy’s going to make a phone call. I’ll be right back.”

 

 

The land has leveled, and I’ve got my own oxygen now. But it’s only been a few minutes of free-breathing and the air has thinned again. My youngest is 13 now, and he has started conversations that sound less like an offer of ringside seats to a fight and more like being in the ring.
As he tries to find himself, I see how he’s the one groping in the dark now. Is he a boy? Is he a young man? He has to answer that, and I have to remember not to interfere with the process of him discovering who he is—and the power there is in that. He is my child who is becoming a teen, and he’s caught between longing the for the days of yesterday and wanting to keep up with his peers. And while it would be easy to blame me for his lingering need to still be with his mom, it’s him who makes this choice—contrary to what the world expects of him. But this is a difficult place for him to be, wavering between childhood and the journey toward independence. After all, our world doesn’t reward adolescents for liking their parents (“You still like your mom? So cool! Extra points for that!”).
So when he does hand me an invitation to a fight, it doesn’t mean I have to show up jabbing. I can refuse the boxing gloves and stand holding my two arms open instead. Whether he falls into them or not, it’s his decision. But I never want to miss the chance of being the one he feels safest with.

 

 

 

 

The Sneaky Way To 'Control' Your Family That They’ll Actually ENJOY

The Sneaky Way To 'Control' Your Family That They’ll Actually ENJOY

 

Bill Protzmann

Expert

Family

May 26, 2016

 

Dial down the chaos and noise so you can really connect.
It’s the end of a long day. You walk through your front door feeling exhausted and over-stimulated, eager to rest and connect with your family now that you're finally home. But as you enter the house, you're assaulted by a cacophony of noise coming from all directions. (So much for 'home' feeling like a peaceful sanctuary).
The "My Little Pony" theme song blares from the TV in the family room. Your daughter's heavy metal music upstairs competes with your son's actual live drum practice in the basement. And in the kitchen, someone’s using the Ninja blender to crush (what sounds like) ... large rocks.
If this is what your "Hi, I'm home!" moment is usually like (and it makes you want to scream, run away and never return) — you're not alone. 

It turns out, the 'soundscape' around us each day impacts our sense of calm, connection, and overall wellness in powerful ways. Yet, we rarely pause to reflect on that aspect of our environment, short of screaming "Will you please SHUT UP!" and/or "Knock off that racket; I can't hear myself think!!"
Why does the noise drive us so batty? 
Basically, that tidal wave of jarring noise triggers the lizard part of your brain to think you're in danger. Before the thinking part of your brain has time to actually figure out what the sound is (a.k.a. NOT an immanent threat), your lizard brain has already flooded you with adrenalin and your heart rate has gone up, activating your flight-or-flight response. This, of course, feelings upsetting and agitating. By the time you realize it's 'just' music, or 'just' the TV, you're already angry, irritated and defensive.
So, when you come home all ready to rest and relax and, instead, you open the front door to auditory chaos, what do you think your reptilian brain does? It only knows fight, flight or freeze; none of which are ideal ways to greet your loving, caring, enthusiastic family, right?
Well, good news! There is a secret weapon to combat the agitating noise pollution in your own. (Bonus: You ALREADY know what this secret weapon is!) 
And, if you strategically use this secret weapon on your family, you can actually turn that crazy, frenetic, end-of-day chaos at your house into a harmonious, connection-building family happy hour.  

In fact, this is a secret technique that therapists, schoolteachers and businesspeople already know. There are even at-risk folks out there right now whose psychiatrists prescribe THIS technique instead of psych meds. Yes, it's THAT powerful.
All you want is a bit of transitional peace every evening, right? Bam! ... Done!
The secret weapon is — MUSIC. 
More specifically: Use music to deliberately create the soundscape you want in your home.
Believe me, if there was a way to license this stuff, I could sell it for millions, but it’s really just common sense to remove the annoying background sounds and replace them with sounds that calm, energize, and create the ambiance you crave.
So, let's think about how this applies to typically chaotic points in your family's day:

• How does my family wake up in the morning? Cranky? Rushed? Disconnected? ... OK. Well, how would you like your family to wake up? What sounds would help create that feeling? Do you need soothing nature sounds? Do you need positive, upbeat music? Identify the types of sounds that would create the feeling you want in your house as everyone's date starts.
   
• How does your family unwind from work/school/homemaking? Is everyone off in their own corner on different screens? Are family members lethargic, impatient? What would you like to happen so that you feel like the family actually comes back together during that transition time? What kind of sounds or music would help create that space? Music you can dance to in the kitchen? Energizing, yet soothing Latin music? 

Knowing what feeling you ultimately want in your home is 99 percent of this technique. Once you’re aware of that, all you have to do is create a playlist with the right sounds and songs already queued up and ready to go. Simply hit play on your stereo, laptop, or smartphone and there you go ... instant shift in the soundscape around you.
At my house, we have a morning soundtrack that kicks in for breakfast and while getting ready for school. There’s also a playlist for the work day (both my wife and I work from home). Then, there’s an after-school down-regulate playlist for the whole family that shifts us into the right energy before dinner, before switching over to an actual playlist for dinner itself. We use a laptop or even a smartphone to play the music. (We play it quietly in the background, as the lizard brain is VERY sensitive to stimulation the ears send it.)
Does this technique help get the entire family on the same page mentally and energetically? It sure does for us. And I'm willing to wager it will do the same for YOUR family, as well. 
Why is this so magical? Because a family that's on the same page is a powerful, compassionate, deeply connected, problem-solving machine.
In my family, we've learned (through trial and error) that one person’s delightful sounds or songs might be adrenalin-producing stress inducers to someone else. So, we simply adjust. We tweak the lists until we ALL feel good about it. And the process is actually fun! And , who wouldn’t want a family that works like a team like that?
The truth is — the sounds around us shape our mood, impact our energy, and shift our mindsets in a matter of moments.
I’ve used the barely-audible sound of heartbeat played on my smartphone at the start of meetings to entrain everyone in the room (people just seem more attuned to each other when the meeting starts that way).  A third-grade teacher told me her students ask to listen to a particular CD when they are doing work in class.  And a student in my homeless music class who has bipolar disorder says his shrink makes sure there’s plenty of smartphone music available to him rather than expensive symptom-suppressing psych meds. (WOW!)
Don't let end-of-day noise frustrate and fracture your family's sense of togetherness. Give this technique a try. You'll be amazed how well it changes the feeling (and the sense of connection) in your home!
Try it. If you get great results, tell your friends. It’s time we reclaimed our soundscapes and make them do our bidding!
Bill Protzmann is a speaker and life coach on a mission to raise awareness about the power of music as self care. Want to join the music care movement? Check out the Music Care website or sign up for lessons.  

SOMEONE LOVES YOU, THYE WON'T RISK LOSING YOU

Someone Loves You, They Won’t Risk Losing You

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Emily Blackwood

Editor

Heartbreak

May 21, 2016

 

Remember this.
Breakups can be full of indecision.
In the heat of it all, you can feel so confident with leaving, and the next day be crying over old photos and writing enough "I miss you" texts to fill a novel.
If you're feeling like a psycho who can’t get her feelings straight or being mad at yourself for not knowing how to control your emotions like fucking adults do, it’s okay.

You’re not crazy. You’re just a human.
Even in breakups when the person did something totally unforgivable — and you know giving them a second chance would be a mistake — indecision is still there.
No matter what kind of circumstances you’re under, you'll want to cling to the happy moments and might find yourself wondering “why me,” out loud to the guy at the McDonald’s drive thru.

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Again, you’re just a human, and it’s important to remind yourself that feeling like you want things to go back to the way they were is normal and fine.
Chances are, the person you were with is still an important part of your life. It’s someone who you’d never thought you’d hurt or would hurt you. But shit happens, and things change.
And while it’s perfectly okay to miss the closeness you had, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should get back together. 
Breakups are not cut and dry. It’s not like you just make a decision and move on, though for some reason people feel like it should be that way.
Healing takes time, and you go through a lot of ups and downs to get there.
Just because you miss your ex doesn’t mean you should get back with them.

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​So if you’re feeling like you want to jump ship on the whole “let’s see other people thing,” I want you to analyze the moments that got you here.
What did he do? What did you do? How did he react when he realized the relationship was ending?
Usually, breakups happen because someone stopped putting in effort.
And while NOW they may be saying that they made a mistake and that they love you, you have to remind yourself that if they really loved you the way you deserved to be loved, then they wouldn’t have risked losing you. 
Sure, people are humans who make mistakes, and I’m sure you’re a wise enough person to give the deserving (key word: deserving) another chance.
But if it becomes a pattern then it’s time you start listening to their actions instead of their words.

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You left, you’re moving on. Of course they’re saying everything you’ve always wanted them to say.
But if they felt this way all along, why didn’t they say it sooner? If they really loved you, why didn’t they act like it in the first place?
Only you know what’s best for you and who your ex really is. But I urge you to look at how you were treated a little closer. Make sure you're giving them another chance because you truly think they deserve it — not just because you're feeling sad.

 

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