The Power of Silence

The Power of Silence

Silence is an underutilized communication tool.

           

Source: Pixabay, CC0 Public Domain

In conversation, we underestimate the power of silence. Some examples:

• Your client or customer has just stopped talking but you sense there’s more s/he could say. Would you be more likely to get a response if you remained silent or asked if s/he wanted to say more?  I believe silence is better if only because the person feels less pushed.
• You’ve just said something. Imagine that the person remained silent for a moment before responding rather than jumping right in. Wouldn't you prefer that? It suggests s/he is digesting what you’re saying or is more interested in learning if you have more to say rather than being eager for you to finish so s/he can say something. Indeed, it’s a useful rule of thumb to wait one second after someone's significant utterance. I must admit that I rarely have the restraint to do so.
• Your supervisee said he'd get the report to you by Monday when he knew you wanted it sooner. Which do you think would yield more benefit: looking him in the eye in silence or saying, "You know I wanted it by Friday?" The silence conveys your displeasure but with less likelihood of triggering a defensive response or antipathy toward you.
• You're at a flea market and see an item you like and asked the vendor for his best price. He says, "$20." Do you think you'll get a better response by looking at him disappointedly in silence and starting to turn away or by saying, "Can't you do better than that?" I think the former.
• Your conversation partner has just said something that angered you. Would you be wiser to respond or to remain silent? Silence lets you cool down and gives the person a moment to reconsider and say something kinder. If you lash back, it’s more likely to ratchet up the tension and to create more heat than light.
• You’re watching a play. An actor has said something important. His acting partner can jump in or remain silent, looking the person in the eye. Which makes you more eager to hear the response? A pregnant pause yields dramatic tension. That’s useful whether you’re an actor or in conversation.

If you’re uncomfortable allowing a silence for fear it could make you seem stupid or that you’re capitulating to the other person's position, you might say, “May I take a moment to think about what you said?”