Posted Jun 22, 2016 Healthy relationships benefit both psychological and physical well-being (Baumeister & Leary, 1995), so why not make yours as strong and vibrant as possible?
Good relationships have a rhythm, a dyadic interplay that both members of a couple contribute to and enjoy. If you’re lucky enough to have a solid romantic relationship, you probably know a thing or two about communication, compromise, and support. And if you’re motivated to maintain your healthy relationship (or you want to move towards such a partnership), it can help to know real ways to create positive changes in relationship well-being.
But here’s the rub. In research, only experimental studies and replication can reveal factors that actually improve relationships. Other designs (e.g., quasi-experimental; longitudinal) can add to the list of potential causal factors, but conclusions drawn should be, at most, tentative. In fact, much of our current relationship research uses correlational designs, which simply look at how different factors co-vary at any one time point. Rarely, then, do we have a window into behaviors, attitudes, or dynamics that we know cause changes in relationships.
This is why one experimental finding, which has stood the test of time, stands out as a clear way to make a real difference in relationships. In other words, researchers have identified a causal mechanism that actually improves relationship well-being.
If you want to improve your relationship, get your partner to join you in doing something new and interesting (Aron, Norman, Aron, McKenna, & Heyman, 2000). This might seem like common sense, but hindsight is 20-20; researchers went into this study not knowing whether data would support this idea, after all, maybe a couple simply spending time together would be enough. Nope. Novelty is key.
And novelty is where many couples fall short. Think about it. How often do you and your partner actually share new, exciting experiences? Habits and routines often take over once a couple settles into a rhythm. We can easily get stuck in a rut of the same old, same old. Research now suggests that mundane routines aren’t going to elevate your partnership.
To make your relationship better, you need to do something new, together.
Shared participation in exciting, novel activities was shown through 3 experimental (and 2 correlational) studies to improve relationship satisfaction, increase communication positivity, and overall relationship quality (Aron et al., 2000). A startling implication in this study is how much a relationship’s well-being is tied to its situation. Whether you’re navigating arousing or boring events in your relationship has an influence on the connection you feel with your partner, and your relationship's overall health.
So keep the chemistry alive by introducing interesting opportunities to engage with your partner in new ways. Explore your city together, try a new restaurant or a new board game, or visit a ballpark. You could go hiking, sign up for a cooking class, tour a museum or national landmark, visit a comedy club or bar you’ve never been to before, or tackle a new home improvement project. Challenge yourself and your partner to actively seek interesting opportunities that you can both share together and you'll have a built-in mechanism that will support a thriving relationship.
Take note: for this to work, you both need to be interested in what you’re doing. If the idea of refurbishing furniture or playing frisbee isn't interesting, try something else instead. Engaging in mundane activities, even if they’re new, won’t have the same effect (Aron et al., 2000). Reference
Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples' shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 273-284.
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation.
But here’s the rub. In research, only experimental studies and replication can reveal factors that actually improve relationships. Other designs (e.g., quasi-experimental; longitudinal) can add to the list of potential causal factors, but conclusions drawn should be, at most, tentative. In fact, much of our current relationship research uses correlational designs, which simply look at how different factors co-vary at any one time point. Rarely, then, do we have a window into behaviors, attitudes, or dynamics that we know cause changes in relationships.
This is why one experimental finding, which has stood the test of time, stands out as a clear way to make a real difference in relationships. In other words, researchers have identified a causal mechanism that actually improves relationship well-being.
If you want to improve your relationship, get your partner to join you in doing something new and interesting (Aron, Norman, Aron, McKenna, & Heyman, 2000). This might seem like common sense, but hindsight is 20-20; researchers went into this study not knowing whether data would support this idea, after all, maybe a couple simply spending time together would be enough. Nope. Novelty is key.
And novelty is where many couples fall short. Think about it. How often do you and your partner actually share new, exciting experiences? Habits and routines often take over once a couple settles into a rhythm. We can easily get stuck in a rut of the same old, same old. Research now suggests that mundane routines aren’t going to elevate your partnership.
To make your relationship better, you need to do something new, together.
Shared participation in exciting, novel activities was shown through 3 experimental (and 2 correlational) studies to improve relationship satisfaction, increase communication positivity, and overall relationship quality (Aron et al., 2000). A startling implication in this study is how much a relationship’s well-being is tied to its situation. Whether you’re navigating arousing or boring events in your relationship has an influence on the connection you feel with your partner, and your relationship's overall health.
So keep the chemistry alive by introducing interesting opportunities to engage with your partner in new ways. Explore your city together, try a new restaurant or a new board game, or visit a ballpark. You could go hiking, sign up for a cooking class, tour a museum or national landmark, visit a comedy club or bar you’ve never been to before, or tackle a new home improvement project. Challenge yourself and your partner to actively seek interesting opportunities that you can both share together and you'll have a built-in mechanism that will support a thriving relationship.
Take note: for this to work, you both need to be interested in what you’re doing. If the idea of refurbishing furniture or playing frisbee isn't interesting, try something else instead. Engaging in mundane activities, even if they’re new, won’t have the same effect (Aron et al., 2000).
Reference
Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples' shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 273-284.
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation.